This sounds like a difficult situation, so do whats best for you. Nevertheless, couples therapy is ALSO necessary, because this is something that affects them as a couple and that they need to manage as a couple, even though the main onus is on him for managing his fears or whatever other issues he has. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. If yes, how does he handle those trips? You dont ever want to put yourself in a position of relaying solely on his for financial support because you then lose the ability to leave if you need to. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. Adifficult orstressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. This is just.rage-inducingly bonkers. What the hell? Especially if you think it is an anxiety-stemming thing, instead of a control-stemming thing. Bartending is legitimate work too. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Im sure your husband isnt a huge jerk or anything, but this is not healthy and he should not be pressuring you to do something that would risk your job. Who knows what they actually said, if he asked at all. Doesnt really matter. Look at it again. I went just this month with my husband. My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. Yeah, cheating is a pretty terrible thing to accuse a partner of without any basis, and personally is an immediate dealbreaker for me. A friend of mine was sort of that guy! I might also take your friends statement a step further, and point out that hes the one making your marriage adversarial. Ive pretty much given up on trips for fun. Sounds great. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. Give yourself at least 45 min for each stop: time to change a diaper, feed, go to the restroom, maybe change a second diaper before you get back on the road. Kids are the most common reason for this sort of thing, but other caretaking responsibilities can also lead to spouses being very accountable to each other for their whereabouts. Same. I wouldnt be surprised if it were like 2 people. Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. When your income is needed, you can take fewer risks by opting out of stuff at work. For work. Except he took a poll of his mom. Ideally, you and your husband would support each other in your careers, not have babyish meltdowns. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. Likewise, but I was in Hyattsville, Md. I think on a more general level Spouse doesnt want me to go *can* be an actual, non-abusive thing, in certain circumstances (new baby at home for example, or a health crisis or other emergency where Hey, is there ANY way you can get out of this trip? might be a reasonable thing to ask. If his problem is that his marriage doesnt look the way a marriage is supposed to look (and lets get real here we absolutely do NOT have enough information to be as sure as you are) then a good marriage counselor can help him to readjust his notions. We are leaving Saturday for a vacation on Florida. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! My wife has these same kinds of fears during my daily commute, let alone when I travel for business. He would also get mad at my mom for not responding to his texts even when he knew she was driving somewhere. Last time I was there staying at the Cosmo some HR conference started in the hotel (funny as an HR person) He is seriously out of whack and I would not put up with him. Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. He and this whole situation is definitely unstable and unsustainable. There are opportunities everywhere for illicit behavior, even at home. Your husband is being unreasonable. I would hate to see that whatever reassurances/checking in could have a negative impact on how you are perceived in your office. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. My mother is like this about my neighborhood because Im miles away from Philadelphia. its really funny, because Vegas has lately been billed as a great place to go for a family vacation! If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. Also by facing the problem together wife will know what steps he need she to do to get better on this/call him out if he isnt doing it. Its just as likely that hes just jealous and controlling, like every other sap who clamps down on his partners autonomy. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. Time to treat him like a tantruming toddler. Youve gone before and nothing happened, so why is he still freaking out about it? Were in counseling together though, which is one of the reasons hes gotten better. Theres no scenario that she cant find a worry for. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. Yet he says he would not even go without me. Its really hard for people to disagree with their buddies in ways harsher than well, I dont know about THAT, but I can see where youre coming from., I can very easily see him going would YOU let your wife go on some so-called business trip with her sleazy coworkers to Vegas?? He might have a collection of like-minded friends who really would agree with him. He can see how boring Vegas really is. But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. Also she is sole provider for family? Statistically, the most dangerous part of this trip is the car drive to the airport. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. According to my in-laws, any apartment within walking distance of a Mexican restaurant had to be in a horrible and crime-infested part of town. Its fine. I bet youll have a blast. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. If I ask him he will clarify but I trust him and dont need to worry. If a person hasnt had much of a chance (or desire) to go to different places, your impression of them is far different than the reality. In fact, Ive been on more trips without my partner than I have with him! The ugliness. The trip should take about 2 and a half hours, but it took about 3 and a half because we had to stop so I could feed my daughter and change her. Best of luck to you, LW. She takes trips with friends, or solo, a few times a year. Congratulations, his friends are ALSO sexist and manipulative. And plenty of men there without their wives. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. Hope youre all right, OP. Your brain chemistry & brain function is literally abnormal, for a start. THANK you. The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Honestly, I just wasnt used to having someone worry about me. Ill willingly concede that deglove describes something altogether horrible, but deplane is an idiotic, unnecessary, invented word. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. His parents are awful. Yeah, I read it as they object and they wouldnt let them go.. Of course control issues are a possibility. I really hope he is able to get help and you are both able to get to a better way of engaging with each other on this. My mother too. I think youre right, but it really needs to be highlighted up top: a lot of people tend to think that couples counseling is for us issues, and this is 100% a him issue. You know, because theyd been there for the last year and had witnessed all of it and hadnt just heard his side of the story through his rose-tinted glasses. While we were there, her then-husband called and texted her literally every ten minutes. Yes its a confusing sentence but I believe the OP comments elsewhere that she wrote what she meant, the people her husband polled WOULD allow their significant others to go. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. She has thus far missed out on several family gatherings and her best friends wedding, because her husband could not get off time to go. They have PUDDING, OP. Ive been to far more dangerous places. Agree with the advice for counseling. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips. But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. BTW- my husband didnt blink an eye when I told him I was going to Vegas for a whole week with a male co-worker. This is about control. Remember the man who wanted his female co-worker to dress like a Little House on the Prairie extra? I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. my boss told me not to give greeting cards to older men because it could seem sexual, my coworker's husband is texting me and blaming me for their divorce, https://captainawkward.com/2014/02/06/547-is-it-my-anxiety-or-is-my-relationship-dodgy-spoiler-holy-fuckshit-its-the-dodgiest/, https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html, my manager and coworker are secretly dating, boss will never give exceeds expectations because he has high standards, and more, update: I supervise a manager who falsified an employee write-up but I dont think she should be fired, stolen sandwiches, disgusting fridges, dish-washing drama: lets talk about office kitchen mayhem, interviewer scolded me for my outfit, job requires an oath of allegiance, and more, update: a DNA test revealed the CEO is my half brother and hes freaking out, my entry-level employee gave me a bunch of off-base criticism. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. This is great, Anon Poster. My wife and I have two young kids. When does his flight land? You should protect your son! I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. But regardless, he needs to respect the demands of her job and treat her like an adult. To expand a little bit on what Anita and others above have posited: Regardless of whether this is solely an artifact of having absorbed toxic masculinity, or an anxiety/perseverative/compulsive thoughts issue, or some combination thereof, my experience has been that successful treatment of such issues will likely involve at least some behavior change on the part of the OP, and the OP stands to gain a lot of helpful personal skills by being an active participant (as appropriate) in whatever mix of interpersonal, couples, or cognitive behavioral therapy that they find. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. Its a constant negotiation and balancing act. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. oceans apart 3 teile gratis. As someone who also suffers from anxiety and irrational fears about my partners safety, this is such a kind response and vivid description of how (otherwise) reasonable people can become unreasonable. In *that* sense, I think there can be a legit question about when you can gracefully bow out of a work trip, and when you have to stick it out and go. Because reallyif the intent is there, a spouse can cheat anywhere. Regardless of whether the husband is trying to control you, or whether he is merely unable to overcome devastating anxiety, the effect is the same: You need to keep your job and live your life like a normal person, either so you can support him in recovering from this anxiety (pay for counseling, health insurance, treatment) or so you can escape what may very well be an abusive situation. Back in the days of Usenet, this was called the lurkers support me in email, which just about sums it up. Working Wife, I truly dont know what your marriage is. Nikada / iStock. Fiance also didnt want me to go to an industry event because admission was closed to non-members; he couldnt just drop by to say hello, and how would he know if I was okay? Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. Hed get support from his friends and family. One of my best friends took his family (2 very young children) to Vegas, and they had a great time. Husband used to do this to me every time I drove anywhere in the winter. Tell him to get over himself. I wouldnt be surprised if he straight-up made that up in order to lend credence to his argument. But I come from a history of super-controlling domestic abuse situations, so Ive seen this behavior more times than Id care to admit.

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