Him having to go to some kind of treatment should tell you a lot about the real person he is. He enjoys the thrill of the double life, 9. Oops, didnt get to finish my comment. Thankyou Sarah, but honestly its ok. I have been on high alert for signs but have found none. I had sent it via email. They may desire more variety in their life and monogamy is difficult for them. He was an addict first and far most. lol . Of course as you know she still tries to call, at times gets through to talk to him, but he doesnt give her the time of day anymore. They will blame you and accuse you of something they are actually doing. The spouses inability to have personal boundaries and their commitments to their primary relationships. I will say I have highly correct intuition about people and situations which has never proven me wrong. I just think we impede our own personal growth by only placing the blame on the OW. He also may be afraid of losing custody or that his children will feel angry with him when they find out the truth. Yes she played a huge role as facilitator but he was a willing victim. Also among the signs of a serial cheater is the tendency to get bored and seek new thrills. Please realize I do not intend any of these questions in a demeaning way. Parents married til one of them died. Your story is such a testament to the devastation that affairs cause for all the innocent bystanders who did nothing wrong. He said, ohh he spoke to her terribly. And in some cases, their family may even be threatened if they got a divorce, so they stay married to avoid that. Now, hes not way too friendly with all of them primarily the pretty ones. Unfortunately though, I had to let the ea run its course, there was nothing I could say or do that would make my h leave his skank, there was nothing I could do or say to skank to leave my h alone either. He should beat her to the chase. You hear us lash out at the ow, that caused so much pain to us, and you dont take it personally, which I am so glad about. I think our needs were similar just both wanted adoration and to be told we were fantastic. I didnt stand up for myself, I believed my lying h over my vomiting body and I let myself down as much as he let me down. But, in terms of staying or going, I believe that the above knowledge coupled with what your gut tells you to do can help you make the decision. I have put together a list of attitudes and behaviors that are commonly found in those who are likely to be unfaithful multiple times. Based on the same study, people who suspected their partner of cheating were four times more likely to suspect their partner in their next relationship. He quit for two years, and I was very happy. No "you made me do its" allowed. Id known my personal turd since I was 15 and he was 17. PPS- Does serial infidelity have anything to do with personality disorders? She played with his head, her family played with his head, next thing I know he was losing his mind, and telling me on his arrival from his trip, that he nolonger loves me. Men may also cheat because they lack self-confidence and want the attention. However, these traits can be present and a man may not have an affair at all. Your mind is a constant hamster running on a wheel. They might disown him or distance themselves. For instance, if someone is in an environment where cheating happens a lot, they may be more encouraged to cheat. On the topic of serial cheaters, I have always been completely baffled as to why my AP was the way he was. (Financial constraints. There are subtle, insidious ways in which a married man who cheats on a regular basis can seduce a smart woman. She figured that way, he would have no contact with me, he would not need to give me child support, yet I would have to give him child support instead, so her little pocket stays full of money. TryingHard, You and Linda, gave me hope that we could make it, that month my h stopped his contact, after he knew I was done. If you are over him none of that stuff matters. Its relatively rare for a married man to fall for the other woman. If you think that hes in love with you, its most likely just the excitement and infatuation that hes feeling since its been so long since hes been with someone new. You are far too nice and here is why I say you are too nice: your ex-affair partner has his issues and it is apparent that you feel sorry for him in a way that takes the focus off you having to meet your own needs. Constant anxiety if you cant track down your spouse. There are many kinds of cheaters around us. So 23 it is.. Who would have thought after such a nightmare, that we could have pushed through for another two years under our belt of huh hmmm marital bliss. Huge mistake.. If your closest friend, lover, and confidante are capable of hiding this second life and all their cheating ways, how can you believe that anything you see is the real deal? It has almost been a year from the discovery of the first affair back in Oct 2021. If you want to know more about them, they might get upset and give you the excuse that they like to keep their life private. It is all depending on how the person concerned is feeling," Lee told INSIDER. Ill bet she has a thousand more questions Thani and why because she never really knew him and well he lied to her just as much if not more than he lied to me. So I see more recent posts thinking I have the full picture and realise later that there are other golden nuggets that have been waiting in cyberspace. Personally I think you have handled it well up to this point. We b. He had nothing to lose. Hi Gizfield, yes there are other introverts out there. Is It Cheating If Youre Not Official? I tried talking to her and being nice but she was just too stupid to get it. Detective Gomez, of the Gomez Detective Agency, lists a few potential warning signs of a cheating partner, including: Changes in appearance. Still, I would like for this lady to chill out and back off. Victims of cheating narcissists tirelessly look for concrete proof, but you could try for years without catching a slip-up. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. Its bad enough when a spouse cheats on their partner one time. (Number 1 is you). The pig is there wallowing in the mud with other pigs. We have spoken openly about my view of how this happens and he validates my feelings. New beginnings and happy days ahead ( although some concrete floors and plasterboard walls to be finished .). So in a way it was my fault for giving her what she needed, to get her hooks into him. Just found some interesting information in a study done by the University of Guelph. Hey Ive always wanted to ask you. Hey Gizfield, introversion is great and introverts play a wonderful role in society! All I can say, was my h was a sucker. After thinking about it, I put together this post about traits that set serial cheaters apart from one hit wonders.. And what's most heartbreaking about these statistics is, of those who had been cheated on and found out about it, most probably never saw it coming at least, not until it was too late. Guys who cheat often tell themselves they will change and that they won't do it again. Dont want to deal with financial requirements: A third most important fact is that serial cheaters dont want to deal with the financial requirements of divorce. while married. 4. "Often an affair happens because of opportunity," she says. Giz Im an introvert and have many of the traits you speak of. Trust me, these women know what theyre doing. It may reflect future behavior. I would not have been able to cope if she had succeeded in having him take my children as well. As for your older female colleague and her recommendations, she is right and it has always been my attitude, even prior to being married. I did know there was something wrong as after a week of his trip, which was the time she arrived to see her parents, he was being cold and uncaring, which before she got there, he was calling, telling me he loved me, missed me asking about his children etc, then a change just like that. In some cases . He also may feel like a failure and fear everyone else thinking the same. Narcissists cheat on their spouses, commit adultery and have extramarital affairs and liaisons for a variety of reasons which reflect disparate psychodynamic processes. Most of all he was the life of the party and it was very dull when he was away on a trip or holiday. But the next time we feel less bad and so on, with the result that we can commit adultery to a greater extent, co-author of the study, Neil Garrett, told Elite Daily. They think they do, they think they know what the wife is all about, but they dont always have a clue. LOL but he knew she would. As Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Inform her you have logged evidence and will continue to do so, proving she is harassing him and you. Your observations are just so accurate in my opinion. Ive been left with a pile of debris, and since I cant trust my h to scoop me up and deal, I have to leave. Serial cheaters enjoy all of these benefits, plus the sexual freedom of a . In his defense, which you wont hear often, lol, I have never heard my husband flirt or act inappropriately with any other woman in public or in my presence. All she wanted was a man that would come and start paying for her and her children, so she didnt have to worry about It herself. Fool me twice, shame on me. That phrase originated because of this phenomenon of repeating bad behavior. It was apparent she knew he had done this before and instead of blaming him and looking at what part he had, she was lashing out and blaming you for all of it. And Im not saying this in a negative sense. This is how they live; basically, their whole life is built around being able to score with another person. (He had been having an affair under my nose and I had no idea. If she wants to have you BOTH over for dinner then accept and show her how fantastic a relationship you have with him. He continues to cheat. They will not own their actions. Lolololl. Married life is comfortable, and stable and includes many lifestyle habits that are hard to break. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Either way, cheating is bad, and I sincerely hope that you never fall victim to a serial cheater. They're just louder and more conniving. They can be the big Hero. I will never understand this, for many reasons, but knowing it exists, I am pro-active. I hope this was helpful. My personal opinion of married men who cheat is -- to kick them to the curb - the sooner the better. Im addicted to it but it kind of keeps so much that I want to let go, front-of-mind, and sometimes I question if Im hindering or helping my recovery! Its like they are always just one drink, or hit, or whatever away. She is NOT married to the guy. She wants your life. I was humiliated at family functions she attended. BAM, NOW WHO DA BOSS?? A lightbulb went on in my head because I was able to put into perspective something my ex-fiance did when he was cheating on me. Well, I guess the saying once a cheater, always a cheater is pretty credible after all. Definitely for the best. Eyes, you know that I think your just great. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. Your AP just doesnt sound like a very nice person, honestly. Anyone else out there have ideals similar to these and stick to them in all situations? These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. There is a saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. Re-Think your shit before you write it. How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, It's Hot When People Call You By Your Last Name, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Caroline & Nat First Met At A House Party Over A Decade Ago, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. FYI the Ow in my H life had tons of sob stories like that. You are not that type of person, I could see that the first time you posted here. And TH youre right. I would show up unexpectedly and calmly tell her that she needs to stop. To me, it seems like if all women refused the bait and refused to even open the door to the bait, there would be A LOT less affairs. Watch the smiles, the eye contact, the verbals and non verbals Only then will you be certain of what you are really dealing with. I just have NO tolerance for those that continue to run roughshod through their own lives, wreaking havoc on others with no impunity is when I get all judgmental. 9. You may lose your appetite or even experience an increase in appetite. By the way, my best friend of thirty years said the same thing about taking the B out to the parking lot to settle it once and for all. According to Graber, "applying an armchair diagnosis," such as "a fear of commitment" or a "sex addiction" is an easy way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Ultimately, we can only predict what a person might do, rather than know with 100% what they will do. On the other hand, even when wives know, they often choose to stay married. So how do you know if your partner is a serial cheater or this was just a mistake? I see them in therapy, and theyre ready to change; its usually because theyve gotten older, theyve gotten wiser, theyve destroyed their life, and theyre basically alone and miserable. Also and we all know this you cant make me sad only I can :-)! She has lived with him for 10 years and it is her sob story that she tells my husband about how this guy has taken the best years of her life because he wont marry her. She makes him out to the cad, while she is the defenseless victim of his cad-ish ways.